The Hidden Problem with Praising Kids: A Lesson from a Bowl of Soup

Teachers are often told not to gush over kids’ work. Instead of “That’s beautiful!” we’re urged to notice effort or ask questions: “Which colors did you mix?” “How did you make these strokes?” The idea is that too much praise sets a bar that kids feel they have to match. Instead of encouraging, it can actually make them afraid to try again. I understood the idea. But then an experience with soup made it clear.

I brought a container of split pea soup to my aunt in the hospital. She's blunt and rarely hands out compliments, so I didn't expect much.

But the next day, the phone calls started. My aunt raved. She told the nurses. She told her sisters. My cousins called to repeat the compliments. Suddenly, everyone seemed to know about my soup.

It wasn't one simple "great job." It was a flood of praise. So when my aunt asked for more, I froze. What if I disappointed her? What if the next pot wasn't as good?

My cousin laughed when I panicked: “You’ve made it a million times!” she said. But I stalled. The thought of cooking something so ordinary suddenly filled me with dread.

That's when it hit me: this is how kids feel when we shower them with “Wow!” “Amazing!” “I love it!” What once felt playful turns into pressure.

When I finally tried again, the soup was so terrible that I had to throw it away. Eventually, I relaxed and made another good batch. But I’ll never forget that feeling: praise so big it made me want to quit.

That’s why I’m careful with praise. Encouragement should lift kids, not weigh them down.

Email me at tanya@diaryofapreschoolteacher.com and I'll send it straight to your inbox (no pressure & no gold stickers required).

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