Let Them Struggle: How Small Challenges Build Big Confidence in Kids

Key Takeaway

Letting kids struggle a little helps them grow. When we hold back from jumping in, we give them space to build confidence, problem-solving skills, and independence. It’s not about getting it right—it’s about giving them the chance to try, make mistakes, and figure things out on their own. As long as they’re safe, let them take the lead. That’s where the real learning happens.

Recently, at a party, I observed a three-year-old attempting to assemble a toy that spins and lights up when clicked into place. As he carefully tried to fit the top piece in, his well-intended grandmother gently took it from his hands to help him lock it into place. She thought she was helping- and in a way, she was. But I couldn’t help feeling like it took away from the child’s own learning moment. 

Don’t Help Your Child!    

Allowing children to attempt tasks independently is crucial for their growth and development. I know what you’re thinking, it’s soooo much easier to do it yourself. It’s hard to watch them struggle. And yes, there are times when it’s absolutely fine to step in, especially when you’re in a rush or there’s a safety concern.

But when that’s not the case, try stepping back. Give the process some space. It might take longer this way, but the skills and confidence your child builds while trying are well worth the extra time.

10 Reasons Not to Help Too Soon

1. It’s about the process, not the result. By experimenting, kids learn new skills, spark creativity, and develop a love for discovery.

2. It fosters independence. Imagine trying to open a jar, only to have someone grab it and do it for you.

3. It builds confidence. Overcoming challenges allows kids to feel proud and capable.

4. It encourages self-sufficiency. Trying things on their own teaches responsibility and trust in their abilities.

5. It develops problem-solving skills. Struggles teach critical thinking and build resilience.

6. It boosts self-esteem. Even small successes motivate children to tackle new challenges.

7. It teaches perseverance. Failing and trying again teaches kids the value of effort over time.

8. It develops motor skills. Tasks like pouring water or drawing help refine coordination.

9. It builds responsibility. Completing tasks independently teaches kids to contribute to routines.

10. It fosters resilience. Each attempt strengthens determination and the ability to bounce back.

By allowing children to try, you nurture growth, independence, and resilience. Giving them space to learn through experience builds capable, confident, and curious little humans—one small success at a time. 

Practical Tips for Letting Children Try First

• Ask if they want help before stepping in.

• Provide clear, age-appropriate instructions.

• Guide and encourage without taking over.

• Celebrate effort as much as success with phrases like, “Nice try, you’re getting closer!”

• Make sure the task is safe, physically and emotionally. Let them fail without shame.

• Be patient. Learning takes time, but the skills and confidence gained are worth it.

Inquisitive little humans gain confidence and independence when they have the freedom to try things on their own. While it’s tempting to step in when a child is struggling with a task, it’s often best not to. Giving them the gift of trying is one of the best things you can offer.  

It’s not always easy to resist the urge to help. But you never know what your child will discover along the way. And you can trust that the experience is shaping a stronger, more capable little person in the process.